My heart is overflowing with joy. I have a renewed sense of energy. I love getting revived by God's children--the ones that don't have it all together! The ones that are just beginning to navigate. That stage is when I feel one is truly genuine...they are not ashamed to be weak yet not ashamed to be themselves either. So humble, but so steadfast and strong. These kinds are the ones that speak to me the most deeply and movingly (probably not a word).
Anyway, I feel that life is breathing into me. I feel God touching me... and I want to cling onto him. This all resulted per a conversation with one of those newbie yet wise childrens. A true friend. Lol.
You see, I closed a chapter on God a long time ago. I forgot what he did for me, and only remembered the things he didn't do for me. I remembered him as an earthly father that wanted me to be miserable and enslaved.
I obviously didn't know who he was.
Tonight, a dear friend, sent from the kind-hearted Holy Spirit, spoke words over me. As she and I exchanged words, I began to remember God's goodness in my life, and therefore the victory I had whilst being with him.
I remembered several things and here are a few:
1. I remembered when I truly got over my ex. It was during football. Man, I loved football. I spoke about this topic to said friend. While talking, I realized I never reconciled with my friends from football, and I needed to deal with that part in the past, and do it fast. You see... Through my football team, God brought a lot of healing when I broke up with the ex. I was absolutely happy and estactic with them. I learned a lot about myself and relied on strangers that became family members. I learned to pick myself back up and build relationships with new people! (Praise the Lord, Hallelujah, it's possible! Amen. Hahahaha.) Anyway--since I didn't deal with the unreconciled relationships from football, I think the ball started moving toward the past. Slowly but surely, I allowed several aspects of the past creep up on me and COMPLETLY forgot the joy and the amazing memories I had from these years!!! Speaking to my friend tonight just showed me that DUDE, look at the amazing things that were created! Stop paying attention to the things that weren't! Things don't go you're way, but they go God's way!
2. Realizing that gave me so much strength and power and COURAGE. Because as I started to dwell on the past, I began to develop bad habits of living in the past and doubting myself. I therefore dwelled on the past relationship with the ex as well. Oh no. Lol. Truly, oh no... So I did. I dug up that hole. And I got bit badly by whatever animal that was down there. I was devastated. It was like it was the year 1501, and I decided to stay there. I didn't want to come back to 2012, but was miserable in 1501. EVEN THOUGHT IT WAS CLEARLY CENTURIES AGO AND I WAS LIVING IN THE NOW! Wow. BUT TONIGHT I realized that it is possible to jump ship and swim back to 2013. God gave me courage tonight and showed me that I can meditate and stay in the present, stay on course, and move towards the future. :) That I dont have to live in the past, but I can be over the past. That I have a beautiful, and wonderful future.
3. As a result from my football team, I learned that the harvest sowed through me was not going to be seen during the time I sowed it. Tonight, I also learned that God is sovereign and over all. He is in control and sees everything. I don't have to see everything, but I have to trust in him. I was his vessel to plant seeds and grow them. The harvest came and the fruit of it is now seen... The fruit I invested in a long time ago is now thriving... and they are also his vessels now used to minister to me! Can you believe it? He knows what he is doing. He is in control. And I love him for that...he is a faithful God.
I love my renewed energy. I feel like I can take on the world and even if it says no to me, I won't be afraid and will not be discouraged. Because I trust in Christ and in his plans for me. Praise the Lord.
I need to pray about whether being a psychologist or physician's assistant is the right job for me. :)
I will always be an artist though.
Be encouraged! He is faithful and is in control.
