New Beginnings

Wow! I am starting a new phase in life. This is what I have been working for in the past couple of years. It has taken me a while to truly grasp my dreams and here I am. All my life it has been difficult following my own dreams. Since I was a child I believed a lie that I had to be perfect and please others. Although it is a good thing to honor others, honoring others has nothing to neglecting myself as I try to be someone else to please others. This habit ate at myself, often leaving me doubtful, unhappy, confused, and depressed. However, throughout my life something that has truly released me from those troubling feelings is art. Art embraced me and accepted me as I am. This something that released me from my doubt, depression, and perfectionism is the medium of art. In art, you don't have to preach to the choir about a specific school of thought, a theology, a whatever. In fact, I don't necessarily mind doing all of those things (because everything has a certain philosophy), I just loathe not doing it in my own language, my own way. Doing that makes me forget my own unique language and vernacular. My own thought process. It stunts my personal development, almost like it is enslaving me to a new way of life. Usually when this happens, those old habits reappear. I then begin to focus on how I don't have it all together and how "perfect" I need to become. Anyway, art has its foundation on specific schools of thought. It works on top of it, and does not bind anyone to doing things a specific way. In fact it encourages creativity to work in, outside, and between the lines of rules, traditions, thoughts, etc. Most of all, it encourages centuries of history and personal development. Aside the whole "encouraging personal growth," art has been where I can truly shine and learn about myself. My mistakes, flaws, and everything become my perfections. My weaknesses become my strengths. I love art because there is no such thing as being perfect, except for being true to yourself. This is a scary phase in life because I have never embraced my dreams of doing what I love and truly enjoy (except for when I accepted Christ into my life). I have decided to do this for myself because I do not want to live with regrets. I want to embrace myself and truly be happy. I believe when I first accepted Christ into my life, he has been teaching me to let go of learned habits... of how I can honor others and myself. Wish me luck!