The Bigger Picture

So when you reflect on life...even if it's reflection on the past month, which is quite recent, much contemplation takes place. Man. Life has its moments.

I can't wait till this week is over. I just want to paint again. That is all.

And go to the gym haha.


But yeah... life is interesting from the other perspective.

Poetry

Redemption
Release
A breath after suffocating for so long
Oh the struggle of a people
Freedom
It is at hand
She dances with us tonight
Glory my people!
Glory!
Salvation!
We have it.
We have found our country
No more heartache, my love!
My love...
You are free now
Wipe the dust off your feet
Go.
Dream your dreams tonight
Sleep in shalom
He has come.

Almost Lovers

Hosea 5
It makes so much more sense now. More fresh.

1 "Hear this, you priests!
Pay attention, you Israelites!
Listen, O royal house!
This judgment is against you:
You have been a snare at Mizpah,
a net spread out on Tabor.

2 The rebels are deep in slaughter.
I will discipline all of them.

3 I know all about Ephraim;
Israel is not hidden from me.
Ephraim, you have now turned to prostitution;
Israel is corrupt.

4 "Their deeds do not permit them
to return to their God.
A spirit of prostitution is in their heart;
they do not acknowledge the LORD.

5 Israel's arrogance testifies against them;
the Israelites, even Ephraim, stumble in their sin;
Judah also stumbles with them.

6 When they go with their flocks and herds
to seek the LORD,
they will not find him;
he has withdrawn himself from them.

7 They are unfaithful to the LORD;
they give birth to illegitimate children.
Now their New Moon festivals
will devour them and their fields.

8 "Sound the trumpet in Gibeah,
the horn in Ramah.
Raise the battle cry in Beth Aven ;
lead on, O Benjamin.

9 Ephraim will be laid waste
on the day of reckoning.
Among the tribes of Israel
I proclaim what is certain.

10 Judah's leaders are like those
who move boundary stones.
I will pour out my wrath on them
like a flood of water.

11 Ephraim is oppressed,
trampled in judgment,
intent on pursuing idols.

12 I am like a moth to Ephraim,
like rot to the people of Judah.

13 "When Ephraim saw his sickness,
and Judah his sores,
then Ephraim turned to Assyria,
and sent to the great king for help.
But he is not able to cure you,
not able to heal your sores.

14 For I will be like a lion to Ephraim,
like a great lion to Judah.
I will tear them to pieces and go away;
I will carry them off, with no one to rescue them.

15 Then I will go back to my place
until they admit their guilt.
And they will seek my face;
in their misery they will earnestly seek me."

Conclusions

All right, so, I haven't even read yesterday's blog, but I'm thinking that it was probably a tad bit crazy then the way I intended it to come out. It should have been more wittier. Didn't get to organize it into much of a way where the average Westerner may be able to read it or whatever.

Anyhoo.

SO!!! I have concluded some things. I really need to break down this HUGE mountain that is called academia. Break it into little parts and start with the itty bitty small stuff. I can do this. Over a period of time. I need to seriously put my student life before a lot of other things. It needs priority! It shouldn't have to result to the point where I merely continue typing about how I will do it, but I never really approach it at all!!! ARGH!

I have also concluded that I will read my Bible and devotions at night. It helps me out so much more. Gives me good dreams. Helps me reflect in the morning and throughout the day. Granted that sometimes I might feel super tired and not want to think of reading, nor reading the Bible. However, I am an 'RA' and I am techinically gonna be a gateway to a stronger spiritual relationship with the Lord for some of the girls. The more I give away to peeople, the more I MUST invest in the Lord. It's like an eating feed thing. The more I feed people, the more I need to eat. Yeah.

Sigh.

I need to prepare myself for the desert again. I am going to fall back in love with Jesus.... I hope that I am ready for this. Sigh.

Make something happen Lord. Stop this generation from sitting around. Break us.

Walls

There is something holding me back. Lukewarmity.

Hosea's wife: Gomer

I've been "trying" to read that book. It's pretty interesting. I'm also reading a commentary/study of it by Charles Lee Feinberg. It was copyrighted in the 40s. I know, crazy huh?

Hosea is so interesting. To go deeper into it, man. The Lord has been showing to me over and over that he is a God of love and justice. Law, truth, love, grace all go together. It was great.

I think the only thing I really don't want to be scared about is that sigh, I don't want to just read the Word to feel good; to make me have the self-righteous attitude. Who knows. I need to definitely keep reminding myself that I cannot be saved by doing "good" deeds of simply reading the Bible and etc.

All of this is a process though.

Ok! I will stop trying to be so ...dodgy. I need to start being more honest with my writing and not just writing what I think is the right thing, then taking it back and contrasting myself... I think. Haha. There I go again. Or am I already writing honestly this way?

Anyway, I feel like I need to stop listening to Brooke Fraser's CD. But I realy enjoy listening to it when I don't listen to it a lot. It is like a dedication to my lover. Whom is obviously Christ. However, a girl can't help but think about a potential "someone". I really enjoy her CD. It's kinda all over the place a little.

Which brings me to my next topic. i have no idea if I will ever get married. Like into a relationshiop. I've never really thought of it that way. I always thought of myself of like, "yeah, maybe i'll get married one day." but the other day, I finally started thinking "Wow, maybe I will remain single all my days." Twas a good process dealio to ponder on.

Sigh.

My initial intention of coming on here tho: falling back in love with Him.

I'm interested in going back and reading the whole commentary book about how Gomer fell back in love with Hosea; like how Israel will fall back in love with Yahweh. I really want to too! But... I don't know. I need to take this slowly. I learned so much about the context of what Hosea is trying to write about. Man... tis crazy... just how he prophecizes about Jezreel, and so on.

My life will be/shall be/is a love song to Him. He is so good to me.

I hope to be able to go to church tomorrow. :( I'm a bad Christian. My brother is supposedly joining the church officially. We'll see how that goes.

Newborn

Haven't been here in a while. A lot has been happening. A lot. I think. A lot of drama, a lot of laziness, a lot of stress. I think I "kind-of" got a wake up call yesterday. We'll see if it really was a wake up call.

Nonetheless, I did conclude that I need to fall back in love with Jesus. I am Gomer. Well, we all are. But I for sure, have committed adultery personally. For quite a long time now. I suppose now is when the Lord is going to bring me into the wilderness. Who knows what that'll look like.

I haven't seen HOGY in so long. I miss them. I have to go to church tomorrow no matter what. I need to see my church again. My pastors. My home. Yeah...

Lord, remain with me. Compell me to remain in you. Life is tasteless, dead, value-less with out you.