Push push push! (You better work, b**ch!)

My inspirational song that basically describes what I have to do in order to get where I want: I have to work. I will not sit on my a** and be unhealthy! In Britney's words: You want a hot body? ...You better work bitch! ...Now get to work bitch! (Sorry for the language! You get the point lol.)


I love this song! It pumps me up so much to rise above as a healthy woman and conquer everything and everyone that brought me down--including myself! I am going to get through this! In Katy's words: You held me down, but I got up. Get ready cause I've had enough. I see it all, I see it now: I got the eye of a tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar.

Anyway!

Man, I'm almost done with week 2 of Insanity! Wow--I never thought I would get this far. I almost quit yesterday but didn't (thinking about not doing my cardio recovery workout because of time constraints)! Why? Because I worked too hard to stop now!

Anyway, I did day 12 today: cardio power and resistance. I could barely do the around the world touch downs (or whatever they're called) during the second set of three circuits. However, I will say that I did at least push myself during the floor sprints--which I am super proud about! Yay.

Man.... I just need to accept the fact that Insanity will always break me before I get through the entire video. If any of you want to try it, be ready to be pushed past your comfort! You will be broken. Hence, I know I can't quit now because of how hard I've worked so far.

Not only that, but man... I am definitely getting stronger! I may not outlast and keep up with the DVD's pace... but I am doing so much better than last week. Oddly enough, even though the burn gets so crazy sometimes, I have actually looked forward to working out in the past few days! Pretty awesome, huh? :) I think this is huge progress for me!

Not going to lie though: around day 8 or so, I was so ready to quit! But I learned something: I cannot do this alone. So, I began to watch inspirational videos.

These two videos helped me soooo much! I don't know how they went above and beyond they physical capabilities and now have the amazing bodies that they do! It's pretty amazing and just absolutely fascinating. Take a look:


I absolutely how sincere and genuine she was. She wasn't ashamed. Loved this video. It really cheered me up last week.


Talk about seriously doing the impossible. If this man can do it, I definitely know that I can! So inspired by him. God is awesome!

Both these videos helped me realize that this is not going to be an easy journey... I realized that I will not only be sweating but will also be having tears because working for something involves me confronting the obstacles that are stopping me from getting to where I want--and the biggest obstacle is me! Working hard and working out everyday makes me confront myself, makes me see my own weaknesses, and makes me rise up to the challenge to see if I will defeat myself/my own fears. Essentially, I am so glad I watched these videos. They really helped me realize and see that I will sweat, cry, and also heal from years of unhealthiness to get where I want... :) In Arthur's words: Just because I can't do it today, doesn't mean I can't do it some day.

Thanks for reading and stay strong Dani!!! And all of you too, lol. I'm basically cheering myself on haha. I am getting in better shape and all I have to remember now is to keep push push pushing!!!


P.S. It's weird, because whenever I lose weight (or anyone else), I can tell. And you want to know my secret? It's in my toes LOL! Weirdly enough, I see my toes everyday and know their shape and feel. A sign that I am losing weight/reshaping my body is not the scale! But it's the fact that my toes look thinner now! The skin between my big toe and middle toe is further apart and the gap is a teensy bit longer! Hehehe.... and my big toe isn't as pudgy anymore lol.

Best thing to mention: People have noticed that I look thinner!!! This includes my amazing fiance. Crazy huh?! And it was only yesterday! Day 12! LOL. I feel like I'm cheating or something since it's only been 12 days since I've been doing Insanity. But the awesome part about that is I am not cheating! I worked hard as heck these past 12 days! I've earned it. Hehehehehehhehehe!!!! *feeling extremely giddy*

I'm just going to keep pushing myself. :D

Insanity

If you look closely, my shirt is pretty drenched.

Evidence of more hard work from Insanity.

So this Wednesday I decided to start a workout regimen called Insanity. We've all heard of how intense it is, and let's just say... that it truly lives up to its name. Hearing the word insanity doesn't sound like much to people sometimes. But when you're in the midst of the workout and intensely pushing your body's limits, one can't help but think that all this crazy exercise is truly unreasonable, inconceivable, impossible, and basically: insane.

However, the truth is that it is possible! It's all a mind game, really.

Now, don't get me wrong. Have I been able to thoroughly complete all the different exercises on each DVD and keep up with Shaun T. and his buddies? I humbly and boldly say: no. Nonetheless, have I been sweating like mad and been moving my body consistently? I proudly say, yes.

The biggest question is: have I noticed any changes in my body? Even though it has only been five workouts that I've done, the answer is yes!!! I can already see the definition of my quads come along, my thighs are already shrinking, my posture is better, I feel more energy, and my waist is a little more defined.

Before I continue though, let me give a disclaimer: this workout DVD is not for the faint of heart. It's also definitely not for the athletes that only like to bulk up, not for athletes that don't like to do intense drills, and not for folks that don't like to workout several muscle groups at the one time. Not to mention, if one over-exerts themselves too much, he/she can easily burn out or get injured. I'm sure if I pushed my body even further than I did this week, I could have easily done either. Therefore, because Insanity isn't just for anybody, I knew that starting this workout DVD can easily lead me to chucking it out of my sight and into a corner to build up dust.

So it was very important for me to find reasons to stay motivated in order to complete all 60 days of the workout. Here are some of my simple tips/reasons/motivations:

My first motivation is to take it day by day. My mind can play games with itself if I begin to think of (and essentially dread) a total 60 days of torture. So instead of dreading the next day's workout or dreading how intense the last 30 days will be (with the max workout DVDs), I just tell myself to focus on today's workout only. It's not as burdensome or seem as huge of a task, and I actually feel like I can accomplish it. After I finish a workout, I feel so proud of myself for simply sweating and getting through it. I also like to take pictures of the drenched t-shirts that I wore during the workout. It's just evidence of fat melting away. Woo!

Another huge motivation is, (obviously) the wedding season. There are a ton of weddings coming up. I don't want to outshine any bride, but I want to at least feel comfortable in a dress. (Also, it sounds narcissistic, but I also basically want to show off my fiancé  my engagement ring, and a toned body to all of my family and friends!)

Which leads me to my third motivation: my own wedding. The wedding isn't coming until two years from now--it may seem like a lot of time, but to me it isn't when it comes to a wedding! In order to have a decent dress, it needs to be ordered at least a year from the wedding date. So if I am getting married in, say August 2015, I need to have my wedding body by August 2014. It is now September 2013, and I therefore have a year to shape up this body, get it measured, and keep it at its measured size throughout the days leading up to the wedding. With two years from the wedding, I know I will have enough time to lose weight, get toned, trial and error to keep my body at a consistent weight/size, and so on. (I know, I put a lot of thought into this.)

If I haven't bored you out with my reasons yet, here's the last and biggest one for me: my health. In the past year since I've transitioned from different job hours, lived with my roommates, and dated my fiancé (then boyfriend)--I've picked up some nasty habits. I've begun to eat more unnatural and processed foods, I've eaten more fast food and drunk more pop, I've eaten bigger portions, I've also picked up my fiance's habit of eating man-food (friend chicken wings, take-out, comfort food, etc.). Now let me tell you--I have gained weight! It's terrible because I have not felt comfortable in my skin for almost a year now, and I truly loathe it. From gaining all the weight that I did, I started noticing that I didn't like the pictures I took of myself. That was a big sign. From the visible difference of my body, I was also reminded of my family's known health history of diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and obesity. When I usually feel uncomfortable, I eventually decide it's time to shape up. However seeing pictures of my rounder face brought in a reality check that I never got before. It wasn't just about feeling comfortable and shaping up. It was also about my long-term health and all that I am at risk for. In the past, I used to keep my body at something I was comfortable or used to. However, this time I don't want to just be comfortable! I want to look and feel fantastic. In the past, I never pushed myself beyond a normal or decent body type because I was afraid of something new and different. However, these fears cannot prevent me from being at risk! So I decided to start Insanity because I want to essentially be a healthy person and prevent any disease if possible!!!

Now, throughout these next two months, I am hoping to document my journey for myself and anyone else who wants to read it. You may not get an update everyday, but you will see me vent, complain, be excited, be thrilled, and most of all: you will see me get into the best shape of my life! Keep me in your prayers and cheer me on please! It's going to be an interesting ride. :)

Be true to who you are

Serene Bold Curious Humble Forgiving Real Strong in weaknesses Understanding Protecting those vulnerable/wronged Standing up for myself Beautiful Quirky Kind Follower Unashamed True

COURAGE.

My heart is overflowing with joy. I have a renewed sense of energy. I love getting revived by God's children--the ones that don't have it all together! The ones that are just beginning to navigate. That stage is when I feel one is truly genuine...they are not ashamed to be weak yet not ashamed to be themselves either. So humble, but so steadfast and strong. These kinds are the ones that speak to me the most deeply and movingly (probably not a word).

Anyway, I feel that life is breathing into me. I feel God touching me... and I want to cling onto him. This all resulted per a conversation with one of those newbie yet wise childrens. A true friend. Lol.

You see, I closed a chapter on God a long time ago. I forgot what he did for me, and only remembered the things he didn't do for me. I remembered him as an earthly father that wanted me to be miserable and enslaved.

I obviously didn't know who he was.

Tonight, a dear friend, sent from the kind-hearted Holy Spirit, spoke words over me. As she and I exchanged words, I began to remember God's goodness in my life, and therefore the victory I had whilst being with him.

I remembered several things and here are a few:

1. I remembered when I truly got over my ex. It was during football. Man, I loved football. I spoke about this topic to said friend. While talking, I realized I never reconciled with my friends from football, and I needed to deal with that part in the past, and do it fast. You see... Through my football team, God brought a lot of healing when I broke up with the ex. I was absolutely happy and estactic with them. I learned a lot about myself and relied on strangers that became family members. I learned to pick myself back up and build relationships with new people! (Praise the Lord, Hallelujah, it's possible! Amen. Hahahaha.) Anyway--since I didn't deal with the unreconciled relationships from football, I think the ball started moving toward the past. Slowly but surely, I allowed several aspects of the past creep up on me and COMPLETLY forgot the joy and the amazing memories I had from these years!!! Speaking to my friend tonight just showed me that DUDE, look at the amazing things that were created! Stop paying attention to the things that weren't! Things don't go you're way, but they go God's way!

2. Realizing that gave me so much strength and power and COURAGE. Because as I started to dwell on the past, I began to develop bad habits of living in the past and doubting myself. I therefore dwelled on the past relationship with the ex as well. Oh no. Lol. Truly, oh no... So I did. I dug up that hole. And I got bit badly by whatever animal that was down there. I was devastated. It was like it was the year 1501, and I decided to stay there. I didn't want to come back to 2012, but was miserable in 1501. EVEN THOUGHT IT WAS CLEARLY CENTURIES AGO AND I WAS LIVING IN THE NOW! Wow. BUT TONIGHT I realized that it is possible to jump ship and swim back to 2013. God gave me courage tonight and showed me that I can meditate and stay in the present, stay on course, and move towards the future. :) That I dont have to live in the past, but I can be over the past. That I have a beautiful, and wonderful future.

3. As a result from my football team, I learned that the harvest sowed through me was not going to be seen during the time I sowed it. Tonight, I also learned that God is sovereign and over all. He is in control and sees everything. I don't have to see everything, but I have to trust in him. I was his vessel to plant seeds and grow them. The harvest came and the fruit of it is now seen... The fruit I invested in a long time ago is now thriving... and they are also his vessels now used to minister to me! Can you believe it? He knows what he is doing. He is in control. And I love him for that...he is a faithful God.

I love my renewed energy. I feel like I can take on the world and even if it says no to me, I won't be afraid and will not be discouraged. Because I trust in Christ and in his plans for me. Praise the Lord.

I need to pray about whether being a psychologist or physician's assistant is the right job for me. :)

I will always be an artist though.

Be encouraged! He is faithful and is in control.

The Importance of Doing You

We all need to find that thing that sets us on a passionate fire to be. That thing for me can come from anywhere sometimes. Meeting peculiar people, a silent snow fall, an old journal/blog entry. A certain group of people. Today, that something was a simple beat and melody. I feel so free, because my soul knows and understands and sees what I have been through. Things did not go as I perfectly wished, but I am through it. Praise God. What we need to understand is that we have to silence those around us (and even our minds) from stopping us from what our heart truly is. (I personally am still discovering how to gently silence those that have good intentions of loving me, but unfortunately are negative spirits in my life.) To not let chains bind us, but to accept ourselves for who we really are, including our potential. I'm just so happy and relieved to be where I am today. I am not perfect, but man... life is good and I only want to get better. I think I have basically come to a place of acceptance and love of myself. So take some time to do something that is loving and encouraging for your spirit... listen to soothing music. Kiss your man. Do something that reminds you that life is good today. Do you...

A new language

Praying for a new language as I approach a new phase in life. This phase has been in the making for a while, and I feel it may have only begun. Our language is a manifestation of what is going on within, and yet what is going on within is also a manifestation of what our language is. I have a desire to truly walk in positivity and no longer the negativity that dragged me down for so long. This will bring forth a new language. I want this language to embody inclusivity of all aspects of me, never neglecting even the smallest of things. No Christianese but hopefully critical and and insightful language that is concrete and inviting. A language of not what has happened, but a language of openness and reconciliation. An overarching and embracive language. A kind language. A real net language. I am excited and I can't wait to see this come through.

Never too late for a fresh start

It is never too late for a fresh start. A new beginning. I believe in that profound statement. It's all about balance, patience, and perseverance.