My love...

The space in between us
Starts to feel like we're worlds apart
Like I'm going crazy
And you say it's raining in your heart
You're telling me nobody's there to dry up the flood
Oh but that's just crazy
Cause baby I told you I'm here for good

My love's like a star
You can't always see me
But you know that I'm always there
When you see one shining
Take it as mine and remember I'm always near
If you see a comet, baby I'm on it
Making my way back home
Just follow the glow
It won't be long
Just know that you're not alone

I try to build the walls to keep you safe
When I'm not around
But as soon as I'm away from you
You say they come tumbling down
But it's not about the time
That we don't get to spend together
Oh it's about how strong our love is
When I'm gone and it feels like forever

You say the time away makes your heart grow numb
But I can't stay just to prove you wrong
Oh look at how far we've come
Don't you know that you're the one
Oh, you're not alone
Know that you're not alone

-D.L. (Not me, even though it has my initials, lol.)

Words I never said...

"I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence
Fear is such a weak emotion that's why I despise it
We scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth
So scared of what you think of me, I’m scared of even telling you
Sometimes I’m like the only person I feel safe to tell it to
I’m locked inside a cell in me, I know that there’s a jail in you
Consider this your bailing out, so take a breath, inhale a few
My screams is finally getting free, my thoughts is finally yelling through."
-LF

Sometimes I never know what to say... all I know is that some things seriously are fucked up and aint right. I doubt and question all my own motives when something bothers me. Is it worth it? Am I being too legalistic, too aggressive? How patient should I be? How understanding should I be? How well should I be communicating? What does that even look like...? Are my doubts my own insecurity? Or are my doubts some dark twisted hegemony that continues this darkness that drives me to isolation?

The injustices that speak to me in my life leave me feeling like I'm dead sometimes. The silence I have completely consumes me. Sometimes I feel like I am just depressed and unhappy as a result of what this world is going through. How can I be happy in all of this? How can I have proud or joyful moments in all of this shit? This apathy, this materialism, this system? This blindness? Can a blind man really appreciate the view?

My silence is a dark evil... a carnivore... and it destroys everything I believe in. It consumes and rips me apart and eats me until I am no more.

All I want is the truth. What is the right thing to do? How do I address this greed, this apathy, this stupidity and ignorance? This pain? Do I have to shoot them and wound them to show them that they're already half way to their own deaths? Hurt them to show them they are hurt? Shout and shout at them until they finally register the truth?

I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to shake the 'peace.' I'm supposed to be the sweet and silent and gentle, non-aggresive Hmong girl that does everything right. The Asian girl that isn't supposed to be loud, with no actual opinion. The encouraging spiritual guide that never speaks about social activism.

My fear is not my silence. It's my fear of being alone. But sometimes, when you walk this road, loneliness is your companion... Depression is a sidekick. Patience is an enemy but needs to be kept closer than those that I love... and hope... he runs a head of me and I never seem to catch up.

It's so loud inside my head with words that I should have said
As I drown in my regrets, I can't take back the words I never said."
-LF

To my lovers and haters and doubters

This song is dedicated to friends, enemies, frenemies, lovers, haters, ex-friends, ex-lovers, acquaintances, doubters, supporters, brothers, sisters, families, parents, elders...

Tsis tag li ntawd, txoj nkauj no yog rau kuv.

Want--

Material things that I want, but can definitely survive without. On other notes: I love the fall!!! It makes me happy and always inspires me to blog more, think more, cry more, want more out of life more, just allows me to be creative and expressive... sigh. :) Creative juices, please flow!!!



Mac Lipstick: Morange
Who else feels like this lipstick is gonna bulge out and poke you? Lol.

Coming Up

My favorite verses:

This one goes out to the baby girls
In a rush growing up in this crazy world
Yeah your brother on the road and he never home
I know you feeling kinda sad now that daddy gone
You can't let it get you down, gotta carry on
We only lose things because it make us strong
You always had my love, and now you got a song
From the biggest biggest fan that you've ever known
I know you won't be little girls, not for very long
And you ain't gotta have a man if you don't ever want
Cause I'm gonna make sure you got two of everything
That you ever want, every time, like your very own
Not to make you hard to respect
Just really really really really hard to impress
It's a whole wide world for you to go and get your hands on
Until then, just come and get your dance on now

I know it's like a whole lot going on
Things going right, things going wrong
Maybe baby on the way, and you feel so alone
Know that in this world you're never really on your own
God got a number get him on the phone
He'll never put you places where you don't belong
Put you through the pain, to put you on the throne
And I know that from the bottom of my corazon
And if they looking at you sideways
You just wave right back, tell 'em hi hater
Mad you ain't hanging with 'em in the driveway
Nah we going to keep it moving to the highway
The strongest putting on
The week (weak) is all over like Friday, chilling
Shout out to King David for bringing in philly (the feeling)
And all the pretty independent women in the building

This usually never happens...

I'm not one to read or follow astrology stuff simply because it's vague, typically untrue, and just not worth my time lol.

But I thought this was interesting!

What it's like to date a Gemini Woman:
The Gemini woman is truly enchanting. However, dating her might feel more like a friendship then a real relationship due to her casual nature. This is not necessarily a disadvantage, for the casual man who shy's away from overly romantic emotions, she is the perfect woman. Since she is the astrology sign of the duality, she offers quite the challenge. One one hand, she needs to be nurtured, loved and catered to and on the other hand, she needs stimulation and novelty. She is very demanding and if you do not provide what she wants, she will be off onto the next adventure pretty quickly. To keep her interested is a challenge, not completely impossible so she is the perfect woman for the man who likes stimulation and a challenge. She needs a partner with a quick mind, she tends to poke and prod at the emotions and the minds of those who are mentally slower then her, make sure you can keep up to her wit or you will briskly be left behind. She is prone to keeping men on a string, not completely heartlessly, she is evaluating if the man is worth her attention and her time she has no time to waste with a dull man. Once you have her approval, she can easily become jealous. The reason for her is jealousy is that if she is going to open up to a man, when she rarely completely opens up to anyone, she does not want to risk her being deceived or hurt. If you are with a Gemini woman and she becomes jealous, you are on the right track to true love! Gemini women are so exciting that they are worth the effort, you will remember her forever!

This reminds me of when my friend Shannon told me that I need a strong man because I can get bored easily. He needs to be strong in himself, and strong in God, and he needs to be funny. According to Shannon. I suppose she's right.

Even in my...

There is no pit too deep
That Jesus cannot reach
There is no sorrow so strong
That would overtake Your beloved one

And He’s brought me to the wilderness
Where I will learn to sing
And He lets me know my barrenness
So I will learn to lean

Beautiful Mercy,
Do what you have to do
Jealous Lover
Do what you have to do (to bring forth love in me)

So I will sing…
Even in my barrenness
Even in this brokenness
Even in the loneliness