***Note: I wrote this really fast and will come back to edit later. Expect lots of incorrect punctuation, grammar, etc. Love you all.
This song touches me in so many ways. Justin manages to touch on something that everyone on earth probably struggles with. Ultimately, he is singing the song of a man without hope. A man that knows that there's got to be hope out there some where. He has reached a dead end, and has a lot of regrets, and is crying out for help.
Everyone can connect with falling down and losing your way. Whether she struggles with shame, addictions, family issues, insecurities, anything. People hit the rock bottoms of their weaknesses and feel alone.
The second thing that this song touches me with is that I know the answer to this song! I have the answer to it. The answer is Jesus Christ. He is the bringer of the truth. In Him, you find hope. In Him, you stop looking around and realize that this person that is both human and God heard you a long long long time ago and already came down to do what he had to do for you. He died for your addictions, your sins, your insecurities, your brokenness. He makes you new. This song touches me because I know what it is like to be at the pit, and yet I know how to also hope now. I know that my hope is coming for me! My hope heard me, He came for me, He died for me, He rose again, and He is coming back after he has finished preparing our home.
The last thing that I will say is that as my Lord is preparing my home, the Holy Spirit is still moving. His Spirit is still moving and is here. With Him, I (the Church) need to do my job in telling those that desire hope where they can find it. I can't just sit here and listen to this song and feel all fuzzy. I need to understand my responsibility in bringing food to those that are starving for life. Through me, God hears them. Through me, He speaks to them. I can't tell them that He hears you by walking past them afterwards as if I'm deaf.
It's time to stand up and hear the world crying out for help, church. Let's do our thing beloved and love the sheep that God has called. Let's gather the harvest and be ready for our King's return. He has come to bring hope to the hopeless! Amen...
To my friends in need of hope: I am sorry if I have not heard your cry for help. Please forgive me. I am sorry if I heard it but was too preoccupied with my own issues. Change is coming though, and although I can't meet everyone's needs, please never hesitate to give me a call! And though I cannot always be there for you, please know that I love you and always know this: the Holy Spirit (God) is here, and He hears you! Hope is coming for you. He has a future for you. You are His masterpiece, His creation--created to do good works for Him! Although this may be a hard time right now, blessed are those who mourn, because they will be comforted! Blessed are those who are the poor in spirit, because the kingdom of heaven is theirs. Blessed are the humble and meek, because they will inherit the earth! Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness--for they will be filled.
Be filled, be blessed. Lose your life to gain true life in Him. He has heard you long ago, and has come to fill you and bless you. Lose your way, and find Him--He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The focus: the true vine... not the branches.
I struggle a lot with pride and feeling significant. In the past, I thought the fruit I bore was out of my own strength and doing. I thought all the things I did well was because of me, and God happened to be lucky to have me on his side.
With this kind of thinking, I began reading the Bible less and began praying less. I began being more full of myself, and therefore began bearing fruit from the wrong vines. For a very long time I tried to pretend everything was fine. I figured out all the right lines, all the right gestures. I communicated well and learned how to put on makeup and dress right. I was a very good actress.
Although I acted very well, inside I was growing fruit that was very bitter and perhaps poisoned. I hid my bitter fruit very well, at least I thought I did. In order to not be found out, I began to be more withdrawn from others. Many that noticed this unhealthy fruit may not have cared to ask what was wrong or going on. Some may have been too preoccupied with other things. But I feel that most of them just did not know how to ask.
It was a very lonely time in my life. I was looking so good on the outside, but why was I feeling so empty on the inside? I felt like I was dying. Nothing made me happy. Nothing brought me joy. Nothing brought me life.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit had another plan. His light came in many ways to me. I tried so hard (and sometimes still do) to run from it. But as you all know, light travels very fast. And no matter where it shines, it shines in the darkness... and the darkness has not overcome it.
Ironically, one of the ways the light came to me was through fruit I helped bear from my past. Specifically through women that I helped minister to. They thanked me for believing in them, or for encouraging them. Some of them told me how I helped them or inspired them. When they told me these things, I felt like they were speaking of a completely different person. I did not want to accept these things that people told me. Instead I ran further and rebelled to prove how different I was from this person those people described. I now see that it was the Holy Spirit reminding me of who I was in Him. Even now he reminds me that this person that bore fruit was able to do it because of him and for him. Not because of myself, nor for myself.
The biggest thing the light did in shining in my darkness was when women that I had ministered to specifically ministered back to me. They reminded me who I was, and told me to go easy on myself. They showed me that they had weaknesses as well and that they can still love God. They reminded me that my faith will always be growing and changing and refined. They showed me love and care. Ultimately, through them, God showed me that he still cared for me, and that he still loved me. He showed me his love and faithfulness. He showed me that he still had a plan for me.
Another ironic thing I realized as these women came to minister to me was the revelation that it never really was out of my own doing/strength because clearly these women were living in his strength, and not mine. Yet because of Him, he used me to water them. And now, he is using them to water me. I began to really see and realize how it's really not about any of us, but about him.
I now see that any good thing that came from me (fruit) was because I was connected to the true vine, and I had a wonderful gardener that took care of me. He planted the seed. He grew the fruit. I am only the branch. He is the true vine. How humbling... I am the incredibly blessed one (not lucky) to have Him on my side/be on His side.
For more, read John 15:1-17 and John 1:1-5:
John 15:1-17
The Vine and the Branches
1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
John 1
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.
With this kind of thinking, I began reading the Bible less and began praying less. I began being more full of myself, and therefore began bearing fruit from the wrong vines. For a very long time I tried to pretend everything was fine. I figured out all the right lines, all the right gestures. I communicated well and learned how to put on makeup and dress right. I was a very good actress.
Although I acted very well, inside I was growing fruit that was very bitter and perhaps poisoned. I hid my bitter fruit very well, at least I thought I did. In order to not be found out, I began to be more withdrawn from others. Many that noticed this unhealthy fruit may not have cared to ask what was wrong or going on. Some may have been too preoccupied with other things. But I feel that most of them just did not know how to ask.
It was a very lonely time in my life. I was looking so good on the outside, but why was I feeling so empty on the inside? I felt like I was dying. Nothing made me happy. Nothing brought me joy. Nothing brought me life.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit had another plan. His light came in many ways to me. I tried so hard (and sometimes still do) to run from it. But as you all know, light travels very fast. And no matter where it shines, it shines in the darkness... and the darkness has not overcome it.
Ironically, one of the ways the light came to me was through fruit I helped bear from my past. Specifically through women that I helped minister to. They thanked me for believing in them, or for encouraging them. Some of them told me how I helped them or inspired them. When they told me these things, I felt like they were speaking of a completely different person. I did not want to accept these things that people told me. Instead I ran further and rebelled to prove how different I was from this person those people described. I now see that it was the Holy Spirit reminding me of who I was in Him. Even now he reminds me that this person that bore fruit was able to do it because of him and for him. Not because of myself, nor for myself.
The biggest thing the light did in shining in my darkness was when women that I had ministered to specifically ministered back to me. They reminded me who I was, and told me to go easy on myself. They showed me that they had weaknesses as well and that they can still love God. They reminded me that my faith will always be growing and changing and refined. They showed me love and care. Ultimately, through them, God showed me that he still cared for me, and that he still loved me. He showed me his love and faithfulness. He showed me that he still had a plan for me.
Another ironic thing I realized as these women came to minister to me was the revelation that it never really was out of my own doing/strength because clearly these women were living in his strength, and not mine. Yet because of Him, he used me to water them. And now, he is using them to water me. I began to really see and realize how it's really not about any of us, but about him.
I now see that any good thing that came from me (fruit) was because I was connected to the true vine, and I had a wonderful gardener that took care of me. He planted the seed. He grew the fruit. I am only the branch. He is the true vine. How humbling... I am the incredibly blessed one (not lucky) to have Him on my side/be on His side.
For more, read John 15:1-17 and John 1:1-5:
John 15:1-17
The Vine and the Branches
1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
John 1
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.
Monday, July 25, 2011
August
My checklist for (late July to) August:
1. Blog more.
2. Write at least one entry for Hmoodle.
3. Plan/finalize a darn good workshop for Shekinah.
4. Finish my papers/courses at NWC.
5. Budget my life (I am always doing this, lol. I never seem to stick with my budgets...)
6. Finish the books I began.
7. Remember who I love. (Jesus)
1. Blog more.
2. Write at least one entry for Hmoodle.
3. Plan/finalize a darn good workshop for Shekinah.
4. Finish my papers/courses at NWC.
5. Budget my life (I am always doing this, lol. I never seem to stick with my budgets...)
6. Finish the books I began.
7. Remember who I love. (Jesus)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Unfinished poem.
For a while you made my dreams come true
Showed me the type of life I could have with you
We don’t need a lot of money
Just the two of us will do
By Moi
Showed me the type of life I could have with you
We don’t need a lot of money
Just the two of us will do
By Moi
Saturday, June 4, 2011
One Art
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
By Elizabeth Bishop
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
By Elizabeth Bishop
Monday, May 30, 2011
Just want to start over...
I've been humiliated in many ways. I've had my pride broken down... and I am so happy that in spite of all this, I just want to be a good person. I know saying "good" is so vague, so let me describe it. Good, as in a forgiving person. A person that is able to live above her circumstances, but being real with them at the same time. Someone that can truly be herself and love those around her. Someone that does not have to live in fear, but someone that can live in freedom. Yeah, those are some of the things that I want.
I don't want to live enslaved and burdened by my past mistakes. But hopefully I can live acknowledging my weaknesses and function healthily in spite of them. :)
I just thank you God for loving me in spite of the things I do, good or bad. Thank you for teaching me and humbling me. And to those that have hurt me, I love you and I forgive you. I am sorry if I hurt you too. Pride is such a big fear that I trusted and hid behind. I'm sorry.
I don't want to live enslaved and burdened by my past mistakes. But hopefully I can live acknowledging my weaknesses and function healthily in spite of them. :)
I just thank you God for loving me in spite of the things I do, good or bad. Thank you for teaching me and humbling me. And to those that have hurt me, I love you and I forgive you. I am sorry if I hurt you too. Pride is such a big fear that I trusted and hid behind. I'm sorry.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
In memory of...
I'm losing some very special people in my life. I didn't think things would end this way. But like I said before, pride has no room for reconciliation.
One sunset on anger, a sunrise of hurt.
Minutes of confusion, hours of doubt.
Days of questions, weeks of silence.
Months of sorrow, years without you.
I visit what I had with these special people.
They are no longer with me.
Here's to you my loves.
In memory of you.
One sunset on anger, a sunrise of hurt.
Minutes of confusion, hours of doubt.
Days of questions, weeks of silence.
Months of sorrow, years without you.
I visit what I had with these special people.
They are no longer with me.
Here's to you my loves.
In memory of you.
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